What is respect? The dictionary defines respect as ‘the condition of being esteemed or honored,’ among other things (see the link).
Why do I bring this up? Because it seems that the point of my post about fitting in has been lost on those who it was meant for. They keep talking about respect for the group, respect for the family, yet no mention is given for respect for me or my opinions.
Could it be, they simply cannot see that I am bringing my concerns to the attention of the group in the way that I best know how to do? Are they that unknowing of my personality that they cannot see what I intended? Surely the presence of so many people, all of whom esteem themselves to be of greater intellect than I, can surely see what I mean, yes?
Sadly, it seems they cannot. Perhaps I am wrong about this, though all available evidence points in the other direction. Of those I have heard from, most say I have crossed some line, or slapped them in the face for expressing my concerns through text, a medium I prefer over online voice communications.
Their insistence that I alter my behavior to conform to their ideal of personal interaction (specifically, ‘man the fuck up’) is laughable and should be taken as it is meant: bad comedy.
It’s not that I need to ‘man the fuck up,’ as you say, but that you need to learn that there are differing viewpoints to be heard and different ways to express them. Including asking oneself questions and then providing the answer to them. Maybe you missed that in your rush to “defend” what you perceived as attacked. Perhaps a more careful reading of the original text might be of benefit to you. Though, I doubt you’d even care to do so, since you’ve clearly made up your mind about my motivations and desires.
As to my motivations and desires, who are you to tell me what they are? You, who are not involved in my thought processes? Who have no clue what I am really thinking?
You talk of respect, demand it, yet offer none in return. Respect is earned, and you’ve lost my respect for not listening. You who continue to talk about me behind my back, and say you ‘tell it like it is’ and ‘speak our minds’ yet won’t engage here. That’s some ‘man the fuck up’ philosophy you’ve got, there. Glad I don’t subscribe to it. It’s pretty worthless.
Is Fitting In provocative? Initially I’d say no, but given the vitriolic response, I must bow to the charge that it is. Clearly. Was it intended to be so? No.
The intent was to bring to light what I perceived as a problem within the group. Instead of trying to fix the problem I perceived, they chose to attack. *shrugs*
What I expected was a response along the lines of ‘What problem do you see?’ You know, a rational, thoughtful, response. A response that would lead to a practical solution. Instead, I got attacked, ad hominem, in many cases.
Was I upset when people “called me” on it? No. Confused? Baffled? Sure. But I wasn’t angry. To say so would be to perpetuate a straw man argument away from the point of the discussion. (Again, the resolution of the perceived problem).
I did get one thing I wanted out of it, though. Well. . . two things, really. What are these?
1.) I got the conversation started, so maybe, despite my specific concerns, the group will avoid what I see as a potential ‘group-killer’ problem.
2.) I found out who was my “friend” only as a convenience to our shared membership in the group. Those people have been removed. (I foresee a few more might become angry over this, my personal blog, and walk away. I take no offense at this, though. I’d rather it happen now than later).
I want to state, here and now, that I note that not a single member of this group ever asked me what the problems I perceived were. Not. One.
This catastrophic failure is clear evidence that the charge of dysfunctional was warranted from the start. If the group weren’t dysfunctional, someone, anyone, would’ve asked. Don’t bother doing it now. It’s too late. You’ve already failed.