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Posted in General, Personal | Tagged , | Leave a comment

WOW! A New Post! WHA. . . . ?

Yep. A new post. Wow. It’s been over a year since my last post and I just want to say, sorry about that. I’ve been away doing Goon stuff and all that and blogging has taken a (far) back seat to my life.

Not that I wanted it to, but it just has, sadly. I hope to be back on a regular schedule at some point and reviving my Open Thread Thursday feature, as that seemed to be a popular thing around here. (Thanks for that, by the way).

So, WordPress has changed its interface for making posts probably more than once since I stopped blogging on a regular basis. That’s the nature of things, I suppose, to always evolve and this is especially true of software and online platforms like WordPress or Facebook.

In any event, I’m back for however long it takes for me to get pulled away by life, again. We’ll see.

Thanks for coming back and reading this update. In short: I’m alive. I’m not well, but alive. (I’ll talk more about that later).

More soon!

Posted in General, GLBT, Open Thread Thursdays | 2 Comments

The American Finale: 2016 Edition

The series finale of the United States of America is tomorrow night. I hope it’s a good one and they resolve all those hanging story lines. “Loose ends make my ass itch,” just like Sgt. Abraham Ford (Michael Cudlitz) in The Walking Dead.

In all seriousness, though, tomorrow is November 8th, which means it’s election day in America. By tomorrow night, we’ll have elected a new president. It will either be Donald Trump or Hillary Clinton. Tomorrow we will either step boldly into the future by electing the first woman to the office of president, or we will step backwards 200 years and elect a racist, narcissistic, xenophobic, homophobic, transphobic bully with delusions of godhood. In other words, the white guy.

Kidding. Not all white guys are all those things. This particular one is, though, and it is my fervent hope he disappears after tomorrow night into the obscurity of the rock he crawled out from under.

I’ve been quiet all this election season here on WordPress, mainly because I didn’t really see a point to adding to the din of the election prognostications here on the intertubes. I would just be one more voice in the electronic wilderness screaming about which candidate would make a better president (Hillary) and I don’t see the point of doing that, honestly. (Hillary).

So, whomever you cast your vote for, be it Trump or Clinton, head to the polls and cast your vote. A full three quarters of the American population doesn’t vote because they think their vote doesn’t count. If all three quarters of those folk vote, along with the one quarter that already do vote, imagine what we can do. We can change the country. We can vote out those who we feel aren’t doing a good job and try to elect those who we feel will do a better job. Isn’t that the point of voting? So, go vote.

Please vote.

And, I know it’s your choice, but I hope you vote for Hillary Clinton. We need someone in the White House who understand leadership in the governmental sense and not in the business sense.

Alright. That’s it. That’s my Get out the Vote screed. Go read something else.


Posted in General, Politics | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 1 Comment

Expectations and Reality

I thought I was moving to Cleveland, OH. Turns out the company I had applied to chose not to even talk with me after first calling me and trying to set up an interview. It’s kind of soul-crushing to have an opportunity come your way, then have it wrenched from you a second later, you know?

It’s damn infuriating.

To top all that off, I had finally gotten an appointment with an endocrinologist on the books to set up getting an estrogen prescription to start HRT (hormone replacement therapy), a needed first step before gender confirmation surgery.

Of course, that fell through, too, because of lack of funds. I have a job where I get paid when the job is done. (I work construction). We do a lot of work with the local school system and they’re notorious for taking weeks at a time after the work is done to pay for said work. As a result, I have to wait sometimes weeks after a job is complete to get my paycheck.

(Someone out there will eventually say, ‘well, be thankful you have a job at all.’ This isn’t even close to the point I am making, so please do not bother saying it).

I need to get paid on a weekly or bi-weekly basis like virtually everyone else on Sol III does.

It’s just damn frustrating to be this close to a lifelong goal of living authentically and then having it ripped from your fingers for lack of money.

Posted in General | 8 Comments

Thoughts and Things

So much is going on in the world, right now. ISIS. The US presidential election, climate change, Aleppo, the Kardashians are still somehow popular, and other calamitous happenings.

It’s hard to know where to point your attention in the cacophony of “news” flooding the airwaves. What draws my attention in any given day is probably not anywhere near important in the grand scheme of things.

Most days I just want to avoid getting murdered or not murder someone. Pretty simple, really. Though I try to learn something new everyday and help someone, too. I don’t always succeed, but I try.

It’s easy to get frustrated at all the wackiness in the world. All the raw hatred and violence out there. The thing is, the trick, if you will, is to not let it get to you. I know, I know, easier said than done, right? Right. I agree.

So how do we insulate ourselves from this level of whackadoo? For me, and your mileage may vary greatly here, I read about fantasy worlds. I read about drow heroes like Drizzt Do’Urden. I read about Alias of Westgate and her Saurial companion, Dragonbait. I read about other Harpers like Lander, Airlyn Moonblade and Danilio Than. And, of course, Shandril Shesair, Narm, and crotchety old Elminster (who would turn me into a newt if he heard me call him crotchety).

[Not a newt. That would be too good for thee. Perhaps a kobold, though? ~Elminster]


Anyway. (Wow. This turned strange quick, didn’t it)?

I guess just try to focus on something positive, something you enjoy to avoid going nuts with all these dire predictions of destruction and fear mongering in our political process. Yes things are grim, but we are Americans. We got through tough times before, like the popularity of Jersey Shore and we can get through this, too.

Stay strong.

Posted in Entertainment, General, Philosophy, Politics, Social Observations | Tagged , , , , , , , , , | 3 Comments

Saying Goodbye

My friend died, yesterday. We’d known each other since 1987 and for a lot of years, we saw each other three-to-four days of the week. I counted him as one of my best friends.

His loss is still raw, still hard for me to take in. To think, this man who was only a few years older than I, is gone. He died of a heart attack.

This is such a surreal moment in my life that someone I have known since I was 16 is not here on this earth anymore. I miss him dearly, even though we’ve not spoken in many years, life being what it is.

Yesterday, not only did I lose my friend, but I lost my cousin, too. He also died of heart related trouble. In his case, it was expected. He had been born with his heart on the opposite side of his chest, essentially reversed from everyone else. His condition, whose name escapes me at the moment, is a rare condition which is usually fatal within the first 10 years of birth, held off on taking my cousin until he was 46.

Dealing with his death is easier, I feel, because, even though he’s blood, I knew it was only a matter of time before he passed. With my friends death, we had no such luxury.

It was sudden. And it hurts.

I have cried more today than I have in quite a long time. I have broken down twice and ugly cried both times. I know dealing with his death will get easier, I guess, with time. I know I have regrets for not making more of an effort to reconnect with him, after having lost contact.

I know such regrets are illogical and I should accept that this is just how things are. I cannot change it. As much as I want to.

I feel a void in my life. A serious loss that will not soon be recovered from.

My friends name is Ashley Lovins. My cousins name is William Thomas. I will miss them both immensely. These two men, both of whom inspired me in their own ways, will be thought of often.

Rest well, Ash, my brother from another mother. Rest well, Billy, my cousin. Both of you have earned your rest.


Posted in General | 3 Comments

2014 in review

The stats helper monkeys prepared a 2014 annual report for this blog.

Here’s an excerpt:

A San Francisco cable car holds 60 people. This blog was viewed about 550 times in 2014. If it were a cable car, it would take about 9 trips to carry that many people.

Click here to see the complete report.

Posted in General | 2 Comments

My Thoughts About Me

I know it has been a long time since I posted anything to this blog. I am sorry about that. My drive to write, be it for myself here or professionally has been virtually non-existent for a long time.

On rare occasions, like now, I feel the need to get wordy, but I always hold back, mainly because I still don’t see what people see in all this.

Still, stretching my typographical skills while expressing myself is always fun. To a point.

I am thinking about killing myself. In all honesty, I have been thinking about this for months. Why? Because I will never be who I want to be.

This is a topic I have danced around for years, but never directly addressed here. I am not sure why. I guess I just wanted to keep this part of myself to myself.

I am transgender. I was born male, but identify as a woman. I want to physically and socially transition, but certain things, such as a lack of funds, prevents me from doing so.

This disconnect, this raw horror is what drives my desire to transition. I never wanted to be male, to have the social “responsibility” of being “the man” thrust upon me. I cannot stand this life anymore.

Can you understand the horror of waking up everyday knowing your body is not right, that when you look in the mirror you see a face that is only familiar by repetition of viewing rather than familiar of ownership?

Can you understand grief I feel when I take my clothes off to shower and instead of a smooth area there is a lump of flesh and a hanging sack? Can you imagine the betrayal of your face as it grows hair?

Can you understand it? More than an intellectual understanding, now. Can you understand it emotionally? Can you place yourself in my position and imagine what it would be like to have a body that feels so wrong to you you cannot fathom continuing to draw breath?

I would rather die than continue to live a lie. And that is all this life really is. A lie to make others comfortable. To make sure they’re not creeped out by something they cannot, or will not, acknowledge: that everyone’s gender identity doesn’t match what their eyes see.

Frankly, I am tired of living for everyone else. So I want to die for me. I want to die so I can be free of this maddeningly insensitive world and its near impossible rules it imposes on us without so much as a backwards glance.

My preferred gender pronouns are she/her. My preferred name is Alexis. My friends are onboard with all that and willing to alter their speech patterns when I give the word.

Anyone who refuses to respect my gender pronouns and chosen name, for any reason, isn’t really my friend and can fucking die in a fire.


Posted in General | 1 Comment

Considerations: Your Input is Needed, Please

Lately I’ve felt I’ve outgrown the need for  “House of Goonery.” Maybe it’s because I am older, more jaded, or what have  you that I feel I’ve moved beyond the need for a space, or rather a title for a space, which points out my quirks to readers rather than allowing those quirks to shine through on their own.

My one overriding goal with this forum is to create a space where serious debate can occur, but one where humor is always near the surface of the conversation. In other words, a place where serious topics can be discussed while maintaining my sense of humor.

It’s also been something of a dream of mine to have some of my content shared far and wide anf have it taken seriously by all who read it.

People tend to take content serious if it originates from a serious sounding site, be it a blog or other news site.

“The House of Goonery” doesn’t easily lend itself to a serious conversation or site. In all honesty, I get frustrated with this forum, not because of the services offered, but because of how I’ve handled this platform in regards to the disimination of my ideas.

I have to wonder, is my writing style, my tendency towards self-depreciation as humor off-putting to some? Or do I just suck as a writer?

Betting it’s the writer suckage.

I doubt seriously any of this will happen, especially the shared widely part.

Still, weirder things have happened, right?

Posted in General | 10 Comments

And Then There Were A . . . Couple?

ATTENTION GRAMMAR NAZIES: This is a freewriting exercise. As such, there will be errors. Please get over yourselves and drink a coke.

There is this thing that often happens to me. Often it is embarrassing to the extreme. Sometimes irs funny, but often it hurts.

There are realky two things, since, you know, the title mentions two things.

What they areisn’tclear even to me since, you know, this is a greewriting exersice and I don’t care overmuch id it makes much sense.

If I cared i’d do something about it.

Yrs there are spelling and granmae isdues. But this freewriting stuff worked for William Faulkner. Have you read The Sound and the Fury? Piece of ill designed shit that is praised fpr veing a wotk about trasging the Englidj language.

Take a second to appreciate the irony in the last run on sentence.

Anyway, whatever i guesd im done here.

Off with yoh.

Posted in Blog Related, Entertainment, General, Social Observations, Writing Exercises | Tagged , , , , | 6 Comments