101 Things About Me: Part Sixteen

I am trying to expand my taste in music. Or at least bands. My Bride recommended a group called Within Temptation. They’re a great group. I’ve discovered, with the exceptions of bands like Metallica, Queensryche, and a handful of others, I prefer a woman lead singer. I’m not sure why that is, maybe I just like the sound of a woman’s voice more than a man’s.

Regardless, Within Temptation is a very good group and you should check them out.

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Kind of Excited

I’m kind of excited about the future. I’m optimistic that my goals, while still far away, are obtainable and if I just keep working hard to get there, I will. I’m going Monday to get some blood work done as well as a physical. It’s been far too long since I had a physical and I need to figure out where I stand and how to move forward.

I’ve not been this optimistic in a long time, which tells me that at least on some level, my medications are starting to kick back in. I was off them for a time, but now all’s coming back to the center. (Though I suspect my celexa is not as effective at fighting the depression as I hoped it would. I don’t really want to go higher with it (if, in fact, that’s even recommended.)).

I wish I could go into more detail, but I don’t want to do that yet until some other things occur first.

Anyway, thought I’d share.


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101 Things about Me, Part Fifteen

I know far too much about “Star Trek” and far too little about social conventions and interactions.

Posted in 101 Things About Me, General, Personal, Social Observations | 4 Comments

Well. . . . Sorry.

Here I am. Once again sitting at the old computer writing about writing a blog. If you’ve followed this blog for any length of time, then you know my posting habits are, well, to be honest, sporadic. I am sorry to those who want to read my stuff (Seriously, why do you torture yourself like that?) and all that. I have, of late, been dry for ideas and whatnot. There have been times when I wake up in the morning and am thinking of a really good topic to blog about. I can see me writing it out, making the most awesome points as I solve whatever social/political/moral/Lego problem that I happen to be focused on.

Then I fully wake up and return to being, well, me. I am not a philosopher, but I think deeply. I am not a guru, but I have taught. I have no great wisdom to impart. . . . Yeah. We’ll stop there. All I can think of is ‘but I fart’ and I don’t want that juvenile “humor” in my blog. I mean, this is a serious forum for serious discussion. Not some dick and fart factory.


In all honesty, since so much has happened since I last posted, Newton, fiscal cliff, the 113th congress already failing, to name a few, I’ve been busy working and I’m looking for another part-time job to supplement our finances. In truth, this leaves little time to devote to something I once held a great passion for. I love this blog and I want it to succeed (and by that, I mean regular posts and regular readers). To be noted for something other than depressing well-life-is-shit-woe-is-me posts. I’ve had enough of those and I think you (two? three?) readers have too.

I cannot with any certainty claim to offer interesting or insightful thoughts on anything. I cannot promise you’ll be entertained when you come here and read these words. I can only promise that I will do my best to entertain, enlighten, and, with any luck, make you laugh.

Warmest Regards,

Posted in Blog Related, Entertainment, General, Personal, Philosophy, Social Observations, Writing Exercises | Tagged , , , , , | 3 Comments

A Philosophy of Sin

So, according to Christianity, I’m a sinner. In order for this to be true, I must accept 1.) Christianity is the one true religion, 2.) that sin itself exists, and 3.) that I am incapable of avoiding acts that are sinful.

In my philosophy, I do not acknowledge sin, as the very concept is one designed to force you into compliance with a stated dogma; Christianity. It relies on guilt, shame, and fear to be successful. It requires the supplicant to prostrate oneself before the altar of a god that may not even exist in the first place.

Therefore, I reject Christianity as the One True Religion, since no religion of any stripe has the full truth. Is there truth in Christianity? Some. Is there truth in Islam? Some. Is there truth in Judaism? Some.

Should we define our laws to conform to one religion or another? Absolutely not. Religion is an extremely divisive issue and, clearly, not everyone follows the same set of beliefs. Some don’t follow any beliefs at all.

In my view, and I state this only for myself, I do not know if there are any entities which can rightly be called gods. If there are gods, they are as unknowable to us as we are to an ant. They would exist on a plane so far above our perception, that it is pointless to even argue about it. We simply, as mortal beings, cannot relate to them in any real meaningful way.

Oh we can add human characteristics to ‘divine beings,’ but the truth remains that they are so far above us that such anthropomorphic classification is pointless.

I know this is an unpopular view. I don’t care. I don’t care if you’re offended. I don’t care if you think I’m going to your imaginary hell. Think what you want. But think. Don’t let some crappy book tell you what your beliefs are. And don’t listen to me, either. Find out for yourself.

Since I have rejected Christianity as the One True Religion, and since I have rejected the concept of sin, I clearly cannot accept the concept of committing sinful acts. Therefore, for me, sin does not exist.

I am sure there will be someone who will drive by post about how wrong I am and how I’m going to ‘find out at the judgment.’ Do us both a favor and keep it to yourself, okay?


Posted in Christianity, General, Islam, Philosophy, Religion | Tagged , , , , , , , | 2 Comments

The Damage of Secrets

Sometimes I think having and holding secrets causes us some damage, psychologically. I mean, how can it not? Here I am holding on to a H.U.G.E. secret that could change the course of my life and its tearing me apart.

It’s caustic in the extreme to not shout this out and tell everyone, to scream it to the highest point in the land! Gods you don’t know how much I want to!

But, now, I’m not in a place to let it out, yet. I’ve hinted at it before, of course, but never put the words out there to be seen and read by strangers.

I know, though, if I should tell, then this will fundamentally alter friendships and change the nature of my place in the social fabric of my circle of friends. Some will, undoubtedly, no longer wish to be friends, if, indeed, they were in the first place. Some will shrug and say, ‘Meh, whatever.’

I feel like I’m going to bust. I just want to jump up and down in frustration.

I don’t know why I’m putting this here. I guess just to vocalize my feelings and get the thoughts out into the Universe. I can’t show any physical displays here, but I can write out my feelings, somewhat.

Ah well. In time I’ll share everything. Hopefully that day will be soon!

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Feelings and Such

Sometimes I think I’d be better off purging myself of emotion, like Mr. Spock from Star Trek. Become a creature of pure logic. That philosophy is quite attractive to me, to be honest, but it does have its limitations.

I enjoy feeling love, happiness and joy. At times I enjoy feeling depressed, sad, and even fear (under controlled conditions, such as a movie). I love movies that make me emotionally invested in the characters. These are few and far between. The closest one in recent memory was Love Actually. This movie inspires me every time I watch it. In some fashion, I can relate to almost every character in the film. This is a rare thing.

Of course, The Devil Wears Prada is also a good one for getting emotionally invested in the characters. Yes, I like romantic comedies and so-called “chick flicks.” What of it? I make no apologies for my interests. Nor should I.

“Chick flicks.” I’ve always disliked that term. Just because a film, or book, is targeted to women, doesn’t automatically mean that men can’t enjoy them, too. For that matter, I’ve always disliked the appellation “man” as it applied to me. I’m not even sure what makes a man a man. A penis? An outlook? A set of ideals and opinions? A mode of thought? Or a combination of these things? Looking at that list, I only qualify for the first one, I have a penis.

If the sole criterion of Man is a penis, I think that sells men short. I think being a “Man” is a set of thoughts, or thought patterns, and behaviors. We see this very clearly when shopping

Most men I know dislike shopping for shoes or shopping with their wives/girlfriends. I enjoy shopping for shoes and doing so with my wife. If this is a criterion for manhood, then I am not a man.

Most men know what they want from a store. They walk in, find the item(s), pay for them, and leave. I enjoy looking around and considering other items. If this is a criterion for manhood, then I am not a man.

If liking sports, particularly football, is indicative of manhood, I am not a man. Women like sports, too.

If objectifying women as sex objects is and indicator of manhood, I am not a man.

If not showing emotion, except anger, in public and not talking about emotions is an indicator of manhood, then I am not a man.

So, if the penis is not the only indicator of manhood, and all these other criterion are needed, well, I guess I’m not a man.

So, will I become more like Mr. Spock? No. I enjoy my emotions, and while I’m reserved in public, I don’t mind showing emotions other than anger. I enjoy shopping, particularly with my wife. And I enjoy romantic comedies and female targeted movies. I love a good tearjerker.

If this makes me less of a man by societies standards, then I’m less of a man and I will gladly accept the role. I’d rather be myself and hated, or disregarded, than live as something I am not.

Posted in Biology, General, GLBT, Personal, Philosophy, Science, Social Observations | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 7 Comments

Topics: Jenna Talackova, Celebrity Deaths, Obama Comes Out

Sometimes it irritates me to no end that I cannot come up with anything to say. With all that’s going on in the world, the good and the bad, you’d think I’d have something to say about it.

About the only thing going through my head at the moment is Jenna Talackova. (An article about her in People: Transgender Miss Universe).

My thoughts are thus:

First, I think it’s AWESOME that a transwoman got to compete in the Miss Universe pageant. I hope this trend continues, despite the naysayers and bigots.

Photos of Jenna: Vancouver Sun Photo Gallery

She’s a beautiful woman. It doesn’t matter a whit to me that she was born male. I don’t even know her former name and I don’t care what it was. Her name is Jenna. That’s all I need to know.

Congratulations, Ms. Talackova, on breaking the glass ceiling for the Trans community and on your award of Ms. Congeniality.

Moving on. . . .


What is going on? Whitney Houston, Adam Yauch, Maurice Sendak, Vidal Sassoon, Donna Summer, and Robin Gibb, to name a few. (More here: Deaths in 2012)

The old adage is that celebrities die in threes. Well, there’s six right there. Four of them musicians.

I don’t honestly think there’s a conspiracy or anything. I just find it odd that so many musicians would die so close together.

Whatever my personal thoughts about the timing, my heart goes out to the families in their time of need. I hope the media gives them room to grieve in this troubling time. Peace be with you all.


President Obama finally came out in support of same-sex marriage. Awesome. But saying you support something is one thing, acting to support something is altogether different. Let’s see some influence on the state level, Mr. President. Let’s act to make sure that every American gains the full benefit of our civil liberties.


That is what drew my attention in the past few days. What drew yours? Let’s hear it in the comments.

Posted in Entertainment, General, GLBT, Philosophy, Politics, Science, Social Observations | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 2 Comments

I Live! I Breathe! I Am ALIVE!

Well, sort of.

Sorry I’ve not been posting on a regular basis, not that I was anywhere near regular, except when I failed at the whole Post-A-Day Challenge last year. (If your are masochistic, look through the archives and read some of those posts. Just have a bucket nearby to puke in).

In any event, as you can see from the cheery opening, things are pretty much the same round here. I am still working, still writing my novel (it’s a steaming turd missile), and still trying to get back into school.

Ideas for posts hit me at odd moments when I’m at work. The other day, I got a brilliant idea for a post, went inside (I was taking out the garbage at the time) to look for a piece of paper to write it down when I was waylaid by people who have no real interest in me beyond my ability to lift and move things for them.

Seriously, can no one do their own damn jobs anymore? *sigh* (This is a rhetorical question, by the way. I don’t need to see a huge, long-winded response blaming all America’s woes on poor people, thanks).

Despite that, things are mostly okay. Therapy is . . . . helping, but not nearly as much as getting on the right meds. And I’m not talking about antidepressants or meds to help my concentration, either. But, of course, I cannot get those meds, since there are numerous hoops that I need to jump through like a trained monkey to get them. The upswing to that is they are on the $4 list at Wal-Mart, so, should I be allowed to get them, it won’t cost a lot.

If I could get them, then I don’t think I would need as much wellbutrin or lamictil.

But enough about all that.

Normally, I’d be blogging about politics, but, what could I add to the cacophony of noise that would make a difference? Not much, I’d say. Just another opinion in a sea of opinions, and this one not even remotely interesting, since so many people take such pains to tell me how wrong I am about things.


I live. I breathe. I am (sort of) alive. Just existing instead of living. Can that truly be called “alive?”

Posted in Blog Related, Entertainment, General, Personal, Philosophy, Politics, Social Observations | Tagged , , , , , , , , | 6 Comments

Therapy Issues

As some may recall, if you’ve read this blog for any length of time, that I am in therapy. For the most part, I’ve got what I needed out of it: a place to vent, air my frustrations, and work on a few behind the scenes issues, (and a few that are out in front; re: self-esteem).

The arrangement we have with the therapist is that she will see either my wife or myself (or both) during our appointments. That arrangement was set up so that we could have the maximum flexibility.

She’s canceled one appointment due to inclement weather (a tornado). That I understand. No one wants to be blown away by a tornado.

She didn’t call on that occasion. Forced us to drive to the office in less than ideal conditions.

Today, I had an appointment at 5p. I get there a few minutes before the scheduled time thinking that I am finally going to get a chance to talk about my issues. Maybe try to start feeling a bit better.

But, no. She decided to cancel. Again without a phone call.

So, imagine my utter and complete disappointment and crushing bitterness at the prospect of going another few weeks without talking to someone about these issues. Real progress was beginning to take shape and she up an interrupts the whole gorram process.

So, another frustratingly bitter day to go along with all the other frustratingly bitter days since I was born.

Posted in General, Personal | Tagged , , , , , , | 5 Comments