My friend died, yesterday. We’d known each other since 1987 and for a lot of years, we saw each other three-to-four days of the week. I counted him as one of my best friends.
His loss is still raw, still hard for me to take in. To think, this man who was only a few years older than I, is gone. He died of a heart attack.
This is such a surreal moment in my life that someone I have known since I was 16 is not here on this earth anymore. I miss him dearly, even though we’ve not spoken in many years, life being what it is.
Yesterday, not only did I lose my friend, but I lost my cousin, too. He also died of heart related trouble. In his case, it was expected. He had been born with his heart on the opposite side of his chest, essentially reversed from everyone else. His condition, whose name escapes me at the moment, is a rare condition which is usually fatal within the first 10 years of birth, held off on taking my cousin until he was 46.
Dealing with his death is easier, I feel, because, even though he’s blood, I knew it was only a matter of time before he passed. With my friends death, we had no such luxury.
It was sudden. And it hurts.
I have cried more today than I have in quite a long time. I have broken down twice and ugly cried both times. I know dealing with his death will get easier, I guess, with time. I know I have regrets for not making more of an effort to reconnect with him, after having lost contact.
I know such regrets are illogical and I should accept that this is just how things are. I cannot change it. As much as I want to.
I feel a void in my life. A serious loss that will not soon be recovered from.
My friends name is Ashley Lovins. My cousins name is William Thomas. I will miss them both immensely. These two men, both of whom inspired me in their own ways, will be thought of often.
Rest well, Ash, my brother from another mother. Rest well, Billy, my cousin. Both of you have earned your rest.