Saying Goodbye

My friend died, yesterday. We’d known each other since 1987 and for a lot of years, we saw each other three-to-four days of the week. I counted him as one of my best friends.

His loss is still raw, still hard for me to take in. To think, this man who was only a few years older than I, is gone. He died of a heart attack.

This is such a surreal moment in my life that someone I have known since I was 16 is not here on this earth anymore. I miss him dearly, even though we’ve not spoken in many years, life being what it is.

Yesterday, not only did I lose my friend, but I lost my cousin, too. He also died of heart related trouble. In his case, it was expected. He had been born with his heart on the opposite side of his chest, essentially reversed from everyone else. His condition, whose name escapes me at the moment, is a rare condition which is usually fatal within the first 10 years of birth, held off on taking my cousin until he was 46.

Dealing with his death is easier, I feel, because, even though he’s blood, I knew it was only a matter of time before he passed. With my friends death, we had no such luxury.

It was sudden. And it hurts.

I have cried more today than I have in quite a long time. I have broken down twice and ugly cried both times. I know dealing with his death will get easier, I guess, with time. I know I have regrets for not making more of an effort to reconnect with him, after having lost contact.

I know such regrets are illogical and I should accept that this is just how things are. I cannot change it. As much as I want to.

I feel a void in my life. A serious loss that will not soon be recovered from.

My friends name is Ashley Lovins. My cousins name is William Thomas. I will miss them both immensely. These two men, both of whom inspired me in their own ways, will be thought of often.

Rest well, Ash, my brother from another mother. Rest well, Billy, my cousin. Both of you have earned your rest.


About WonderGoon

WonderGoon is seeking enlightenment and questions everything.
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3 Responses to Saying Goodbye

  1. CW says:

    I have to say, my friend, I was thrilled to receive notice that you’d posted here, but then my heart ached – and still aches for your loss. There are no words I can express that would ease your pain, but know that you are in my thoughts in your hours of grief. Though we haven’t spoken in some time, know that you are dear to me and that if I had a magical wand to ease your pain, I would gladly wave it in your direction. May isn’t an especially good time for my girlfriend as she experienced horrible, gut-wrenching loss and after 23 years, the pain is still there. Debilitating as ever. There will always be something there whenever Ashley’s name is mentioned, no matter how many years pass. It may be big, it may be small, but whatever it is, it’s NORMAL. If you ever EVER want to talk, drop me an email. ❤ ~ CW


    • WonderGoon says:

      Thank you, my friend. I do miss talking with you. I have, for a long time, wanted to get back to this blog, if for no other reason than to just let things out when I need to. I may do that more often.

      Thank you for sticking by me. I hope you and your girlfriend are happy and healthy.

      Liked by 1 person

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