Sometimes I think having and holding secrets causes us some damage, psychologically. I mean, how can it not? Here I am holding on to a H.U.G.E. secret that could change the course of my life and its tearing me apart.
It’s caustic in the extreme to not shout this out and tell everyone, to scream it to the highest point in the land! Gods you don’t know how much I want to!
But, now, I’m not in a place to let it out, yet. I’ve hinted at it before, of course, but never put the words out there to be seen and read by strangers.
I know, though, if I should tell, then this will fundamentally alter friendships and change the nature of my place in the social fabric of my circle of friends. Some will, undoubtedly, no longer wish to be friends, if, indeed, they were in the first place. Some will shrug and say, ‘Meh, whatever.’
I feel like I’m going to bust. I just want to jump up and down in frustration.
I don’t know why I’m putting this here. I guess just to vocalize my feelings and get the thoughts out into the Universe. I can’t show any physical displays here, but I can write out my feelings, somewhat.
Ah well. In time I’ll share everything. Hopefully that day will be soon!