The Damage of Secrets

Sometimes I think having and holding secrets causes us some damage, psychologically. I mean, how can it not? Here I am holding on to a H.U.G.E. secret that could change the course of my life and its tearing me apart.

It’s caustic in the extreme to not shout this out and tell everyone, to scream it to the highest point in the land! Gods you don’t know how much I want to!

But, now, I’m not in a place to let it out, yet. I’ve hinted at it before, of course, but never put the words out there to be seen and read by strangers.

I know, though, if I should tell, then this will fundamentally alter friendships and change the nature of my place in the social fabric of my circle of friends. Some will, undoubtedly, no longer wish to be friends, if, indeed, they were in the first place. Some will shrug and say, ‘Meh, whatever.’

I feel like I’m going to bust. I just want to jump up and down in frustration.

I don’t know why I’m putting this here. I guess just to vocalize my feelings and get the thoughts out into the Universe. I can’t show any physical displays here, but I can write out my feelings, somewhat.

Ah well. In time I’ll share everything. Hopefully that day will be soon!

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About WonderGoon

WonderGoon is seeking enlightenment and questions everything.
This entry was posted in 101 Things About Me, General, Personal, Philosophy, Social Observations and tagged , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

4 Responses to The Damage of Secrets

  1. Skatha says:

    I’m not sure what you’re holding in, but I could offer some educated guesses. Whatever it is, I think when the time is right all will be revealed and I hope I’m still one of those that’s standing with you.

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  2. storydad says:

    I can agree with your sentiment, though I don’t think its the secret that is damaging so much as the stress of the constant false front keeping it requires, combined with worrying so much about the consequences of letting people see who you are. It kills you to be judged even by people whom you have no respect for, and who’s judgements can never really impact your life— I can’t imagine how much worse it must be for you to worry about the judgements of people you do care about.

    The judgements will happen. There is an old saying, opinions are like assholes: everyone has one, they usually stink, and are almost always full of shit. They also just don’t matter, really. The only one that is actually important is the one you pit upon yourself.

    I too could probably make an educated guess, but then I’ve known you personally for a good long while, and our circle of friends overlaps quite a bit. I’m am firmly in the “Meh, whatever” catagory unless you develop a sudden taste for fried children. To be sure, I will have an opinion, but so long as its not actually hurting anyone, what does it matter?

    I’d advise you to just be who you are. It really does not need a public announcement unless you have decided to run for public office or something. Just let people see you for you, and be friends with the ones who don’t run fast enough. Let the rest say what they will, they are no more important than the shrubbery or the rocks in the landscape. Dangerous if you trip over or walk into one, but otherwise unimportant.

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