I will be live blogging the forthcoming Rapture, today starting at 6 PM EST. (Check your local listings for the time of the Rapture in your area). New posts with news events and Christ sightings will be posted as I see them, so check back often!
For those of us who know we aren’t going anywhere, I’ve prepared a list of the things you may want to get to enjoy the festivities.
RAPTURE PARTY SUPPLY LIST
All of these items should be easy to get. Ask your soon-to-be-Raptured Christian friends if they can pass on any items you may be missing.
1.) Digital camera with SD card. You might not think it, but taking pictures of the Rapture will make excellent Facebook fodder for a picture album. And think, you can tag all your Christian friends in the photos and not worry about them getting mad. They’ll be gone, right?
2.) Loot bag. Get a good sea bag like the military issues to everyone, or, if you can’t get one of those, a couple of sturdy, high thread count pillow cases can suffice. Better, get a body pillow case as they are huge and can store a lot of loot.
3.) Snacks. The Rapture might go on a while, so bring some snacks and canned drinks. A cooler and some ice might be a good idea, too!
4.) Comfortable chair. If you live in the Bible Belt, be sure to sit out on your front porch and watch your friends and neighbors “blip” out as Jesus grabs them off to Heaven.Tell them to drop their keys before they go so you can loot their house.
5.) Weapon. Choose a weapon and have it handy (along with whatever ammunition it requires, if it does) as there are some crazy people in the world that might actually think this will happen or mistake you for Christians who’ve not been “blipped” out yet.
(A side note: I don’t know if there is a sound effect, like “blip,” that occurs when someone is Raptured away. I’ve never been to a rapture before, so I don’t know).
6.) Earplugs. Apparently, there is going to be some rather loud trumpets, so be sure to wear ear protection.
7.) Party Music. The Rapture is a party, so be sure to bring some music. Some suggestions:
“1999” by Prince
“Who let the dogs out?” by the Baha Men
“The Roof is on Fire” by Rock Master Scott and the Dynamic Three, but made popular by The Blood Hound Gang
“It’s the End of the World (And I feel Fine)” by R.E.M.
“Living on a Prayer” by Bon Jovi
“It’s a Sin” by Pet Shop Boys
“Dear God” by XTC
“There goes the Neighborhood” by Ice T and Bodycount
“Stairway to Heaven” by Led Zepplin
“Mad World” by Tears for Fears
“Rapture” by Blondie
“Heads will Roll” by Yeah Yeah Yeahs
“Bodies” by Drowning Pool
I’m sure you can think of a few others.
See you at the party!