Note: The following may offend some of you. I recommend grow a thicker skin.
Dear God,
I hope this letter finds you well. May name is WonderGoon, as I am sure you already know, since, you know, I am told you know everything. To be frank, I don’t know that I believe that you know everything, since, if you did, I’m sure you, a “loving God,” would’ve stepped in to stop some of the horrible shit your followers have done, and continue to do, in your name. That you haven’t is the best argument for atheism I’ve seen yet.
Earthbound followers of yours always cite some ‘greater divine plan,’ usually so mysterious and convoluted that we mere mortals can’t understand it. Truly, I think this is just jetwash to explain away the real truth that you don’t really give much of a shit about anyone/thing on this planet, despite what your PR department (that would be the churches) keep telling us.
God, I have to tell you that I am not enamored of your followers. Of particular irritation are those who say you hate someone. I wonder, have you ever noticed that the people they claim you hate are the ones they, themselves, hate, too? I’m sure you have, being all-knowing and all-powerful and all that.
They tell me you sent your own son, (who is apparently you in human form), to die for my sins. That’s pretty mind-boggling, when you think about it. However, I don’t think your followers get the point of it all. They seem to think that because you did that (if, in fact, you did and it’s not all just a lie for political reasons, shame being a powerful motivator to get money out of someone), that I was somehow born with a huge karmic debt to someone whom I’ve never been particularly close to.
That would be like being born into a debt to a credit card company. Like spiritual slavery. . . . Now all those passages about taking slaves in your political manifesto called “The Bible” make more sense.
To be fair, I don’t think you, personally, had thing one to do with the Bible. I think it was the work of political opportunists, rather like our own brand of political opportunists who use your name to carry out a war against anyone they think is unholy or unclean.
And, oh my You, the balls on these people to think they, and they alone have you whispering in their ears telling them what is holy! The nerve! Can you believe it?
Well, that’s not the real question is it? I’m sure you can believe it, being God and all. No, the real question is: Will you do anything about it?
See, this is the true test of faith, when you boil it down. And, to be honest, this is something I’ve struggled with for many years. Do I have the faith to believe in your “divine plan” or not? I gotta say, Big Guy, you’re not winning any points with me for not showing up and setting the record straight.
Maybe you should tell those self-styled “prophets,” like the ones in Utah or Kansas that you DO NOT hate GLBT people, or anyone for that matter. Damn, God, that’d be a nice thing to see.
Not that it would change things between us, necessarily, you understand. We’ve had this discussion before. Or rather I’ve told you all this before. I’m sure you heard me, being God and all. Would’ve been nice to get a response, though. I mean, according to this Bible everyone keeps pushing on me, you used to jawjack with a lot of people. Job. Noah. Abraham. Bunch of other folk.
(Which brings me to another question, and I know its off-topic, but why weren’t the unicorns, dragons, griffins, and other, now-regarded-as-myths, creatures left off the Ark? I mean, Noah apparently had room in his little boat for two of every kind of creature. (Or was it seven? I get the accounts confused.) What, no room left over after Noah brought all the booze on board?)
Anyway, I know you are busy up there . . . . wherever you’re supposed to be, Heaven, Epsilon Erendi or wherever, so I’ll wrap this up.
I just wanted you to know that, as someone you supposedly created and who is the “target audience” of your message of eternal love and hope, that I am dissatisfied with your followers and the state of the world. Since you saw fit to birth me into a family with no real power, little or no money, and no real chance to effect change, well, you’ve made it to where I have to rely on outside agencies to even feel like I’ve got a shot at creating a better world for me, or for those who follow me. Or to feel like I am loved, at all.
I have to say, and I’m sure one of your followers will be here shortly to tell me how little I understand your teachings, (seems to be a theme with many of them, you see), I find little or no reason to believe you have any power at all, let alone enough power to create the whole of creation.
The only real power you seem to have is being a divisive wedge in people’s lives. These people focus so much on what YOU want that they forget to live for themselves. They forget that each of us has a choice whether or not to live as you describe you want us to live.
(Which, by the way, are vastly outdated. Could you update your Terms of Service, please, to include the vast cultural changes that have occurred in the last two thousand years? Maybe send someone down from your Legal Department to straighten out some of the mess your followers have made of the world? That would be great, thanks.)
In closing, God, I’d like to urge you to consider what I’ve written here and act to effect change in the world you, supposedly, created. After all, it would be monumentally irresponsible to start the engine on a project and leave it running with no supervision.
Thanks for reading.
Sincerely,
WonderGoon
Disgruntled (Alleged) Creation
The House of Goonery 